jumble. jumble. jumble.

~

2011-05-20T02:17:00.001-06:00

i like being around you.

esh..

2011-05-18T18:52:00.002-06:00

the most annoying thing in the world is when i am working at the bar, its busy and some douche walks in and has absolutely no clue what to order.

me- HI WELCOME WHAT CAN I GET U STARTED
douche- UH ....UM lets seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I, um , I dunno. Whats Good???

ug.

Jason N.

2011-05-17T03:58:00.002-06:00

met an interesting border patrol agent tonight, he told me all about tazers over drinks and later Denny's.

sometimes i forget how many interesting people are in the world, because i usually get all caught up on one.

highlights

2011-05-16T14:33:00.004-06:00

The non profit I work for isn't necessarily a huge money maker- but i adore it. Despite the occasional ruffled feathers, I feel that I'm good at my job, today my boss mentioned a participant passed his exit interview, and mentioned that he felt i was an amazing facilitator.

Lately with all these feelings,( mainly getting out of a relationship i thought i was going to be into a lot longer than a few measly moments) - news like this makes my day.

Who needs a shitty relationship anyway?
i feel as although I've reclaimed my passion.

wanna splice? not anymore

2011-05-16T11:10:00.004-06:00

making a conscious effort to move forward.

which basically means I'm done trying to accommodate to people who basically suck.

$$$$

2011-04-25T15:29:00.001-06:00

HOLY SHIT, HOTELS ARE EXPENSIVE.

Harriet.

2011-04-25T12:06:00.003-06:00

I didnt realize how long it had been since i've written in this. My life sadly only uses one website as a sole time waster, facebook.

Despite an almost 2 year long break- and the fact that no one reads this. I guess i dont mind continuing using this as a more convenient way of writing down thoughts, in exchange for carrying around some tiny notebook like Harriet the spy.

VIVA

2009-10-15T03:00:00.002-06:00

i am going to Las Vegas with two of the craziest ladies i know.
insanity should encompass the 4 day long trip. Insanity and booze. lots of booze.

2009-10-12T01:20:00.001-06:00

2009-10-07T00:54:00.001-06:00

"&&"

":]]"

ok jeanette

the internet is for professionals.

2009-07-27T01:21:00.004-06:00

Somewhere during the orange summer i found myself as a completely different person. I think that during the last year of college I've contemplated how i react to the way i am treated, you know that saying "we accept the love we think we deserve'', yeah ..... wtf.

this summer I've gone through a long engagement, a bunch of secret whispering conversations and a long planned trip and a lot of lonely drives home. Despite my vague descriptions, i realized that the people i know are all going through an identity crisis. which isnt bad, since i'm doing the same exact thing, but i miss everything the exact way it used to be. i realize i'm not very good at committing to new change.

all i can say is, I'm doing a lot better than i'd imagine everyone thinks.

oh mannnnn

2009-05-05T01:32:00.002-06:00

value="always">

2009-05-03T23:14:00.001-06:00

I drove around counting streetlights listening to nothing in particular- i dont entirely know why i feel so distant from absolutely everything. But, i do know its making me sick.

i finally have enough money to leave some where and i'm scared to go

Theres just one map you need

2009-04-14T01:21:00.008-06:00

i should be doing homework, but after such a long day all i wanna do is bullshit around on my computer listen to music and hang out with my dog. I was lucky enough to see Conor Oberst perform for 90 mins on Sunday for a can of cubed pineapples, a can of potted meat and a bottle of water. I was unsure if any performance would be worth potted meat, but afterward i was pleasantly surprised.

In all seriousness i've been a big fan for a while, a lot of his lyrics helped me though some tough times. There is some sort of imagery that goes into his songs that i can quite ever grasp through anyone elses songs the same way i do with his. His shaky voice kills me- Ug. i mean really- i know its not his best song- or the nicest or even the best lyrics but "You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will" makes me a mess.

"now I write when I'm away
Letters that you'll never read
You said, "Go explore those other women
The geography of their bodies
But there's just one map you'll need
You're a boomerang you'll see
You will return to me"

Dammmmn Sooooooo good.

okokokok, At the beginning of the show, Ari and I bought $1 tickets for a poster raffle and right before they announced the winner, Ari looks over at me and says, "look, if i win, you can have it" and she just gives me this big smile- so i'm squirming around waiting for them to announce the name and right as they do the lady says "ANNNNNNNNNNNNN-esto" and we all crack up laughing because i got overly excited and it wasnt even for me. They lady just had a thick accent and she meant to say "ernesto"

so as i somewhat mentioned, i showed up on the arm of friends and i mingled among familiar faces from downtown and Utep- i blended in with all the different shades of plaid. I dunno what it was- but somewhere during the first few songs i felt so incredibly happy, not just because of the fact that i was finally listening to conor oberst, but just the people, and the weather and my drunk friend on his 21st birthday, the breeze that messed up my hair, and made my legs cold- the sun setting with its big pink fluffy clouds, the planes flying overhead- the image of my family having an egg hunt, the smoke filling in all the space between all the people who crowded together, my achy feet, everyone in big sunglasses, everyone smiling, joking and dancing and pushing, and swaying.

Afterward we all wandered off our own ways and ended up meeting again over food and drinks to talk in our loudest voices about how great the show was. we all made plans for wine festivals, and shows and parties. I got to see ari smile over her new boyfriend- and angel and joey smile and laugh over - well everything. When the night began winding down i ended up like most nights holding hands with ray and talking about a million little things and nothing at all-

It was just nice to see everyone excited about life

The weekend was perfect.

if youre going to call me a homo...

2009-04-10T14:38:00.001-06:00

oh man this kid...

'QUIT CALLING ME A HOMO'

CAFV

2009-04-08T23:45:00.000-06:00

I GOT THE JOB.

fool.

2009-04-02T01:45:00.001-06:00

im so stressed out i feel like i'm about to burst in a kazillion pieces.

Jobin.

2009-03-31T13:37:00.004-06:00

The movie I LOVE YOU MAN is pretty awesome, and i realized i have a massive crush on Jason Segal.

anyhow i'm pretty sure i embarrassed my movie companions arianne and tony by dropping popcorn all over myself, then also laughing entirely too hard at the "slapping the bass" part.

I'm a mess, All the time.

Also my weekend was pretty spectacular, other than seeing this OSCAR AWARD WINNING performance by hottie mc hotterson Jason Segal with ari- i got all dolled up and went to downtown with some pretty fun boys and Raziel, and i got to see old friends, and i realized everyone seems to be talking about settling down and getting married. I'm Soooo excited.

i also spent a hefty amount on my dog Jasper to get groomed, more than i spend on myself at a time- ever. 2 hours of 'spa like' treatment oatmeal honey shampoo, nail filing, hair cut, teeth cleaning, deordorizing and a fancy bandana accesory. I think it was worth it. And he looks like a brand new dog.

From the blog of my bff

2009-03-27T01:21:00.000-06:00

wow.

Noise.

2009-03-24T10:27:00.002-06:00

One of the most annoying things about being at the labs at Utep is the complete disregard of conversation volume. No one cares that you may be studying, or that you might Enjoy a morning that lacks SCREECHING AND SCREAMING. Not only that but people listen to their music so loud it permeates through their earphones and out into the computer area- I have the urge to turn around and ask them to get the fuck away from me. But i never go through with it because i'm lame and i chicken out. BUT ONE DAY-

anyhow- Spring break was just as i expected- a whole lot of fun. No doubt about it. Other than that i also participated in a Beer Pong Tournament on Saturday night. i was a chammmmp. (sort of at least)

Now that i'm back at school- I have to think of an action plan by April 7th, i have no idea how to come about this- or what to do as an issue - but i'm already stressed out and it was only assigned today.

i am a fan of Nausicaa

2009-03-22T14:50:00.004-06:00

So for the last few years Arianne and I scour the bottom of the barrel of men and we search the dating ads on craigslist and send eachother the worst ones we can find.

I found the worst (aka most awesome) one ever...

It was titled "The Greatest Craigslist Ad Ever - Male age 22 (West El Paso)"
Found here- http://elpaso.en.craigslist.org/m4w/1083304764.html

"Wow, are you lucky. You clicked on that link, and even though you might not know it yet, your life has changed forever. Ain't no turning back now baby. Hi! My name is Nack, and I am the most desirable male in the world. I know that finding the right guy for you can be tricky, so let me break this down for you.

I AM SEXY. That's right ladies, you thought Brad Pitt was a dream boat. It's ok, he's pretty good looking I suppose. But if we were in a looking good contest he would probably vaporize into a fine powder which I would then sprinkle across his lawn or maybe in the ocean. (See pic below, and view at own risk: I'm not responsible for any injuries that may result from you staring into my pixelized eyes.)

I AM FUNNY. Check out this joke I invented and try not to laugh, but not too hard, because it's so funny you might implode. So this kid goes off to roller coaster camp. He comes home and his dad asks him "How was roller coaster camp son?" and the kid tells him "Meh, it had it's ups and downs." Take some time right here to catch your breath and let your gut muscles relax. Ready to continue? Good.

I AM A MUSICIAN. In the greatest metal band in the world. We're called Nausicaa and we are so brutal that we descend into the depths of Hell every weekend to slay Diablo, and then we resurrect his lazy ass so he can have a week of training for when we come back. I play the skins, (that's the drums for all you math majors) and my speed is on par with that of the Flash, except that he's infinity times not as awesome as me. Oh yeah that reminds me.

I AM AWESOME. I guess I should make my case for this, or maybe I could just LET MY LEGEND OF ZELDA TATTOO DO THE TALKING.

So there you have it. By now I'm sure you've called up all your BFFF's to inform them of my ad. You are DYING to get to know me. How you ask? It's simple. You get the sexiest, funniest, most awesome man on the planet and all you gotta do is send an email to the link above. For one of you lucky ladies, it just might be the last such email you ever send. It will be a pleasure to hear from you. :) "

Then it was followed by this imagine.
For real- el paso has the best men.

pollo.

2009-03-14T16:44:00.002-06:00

A flash mob (or flashmob^[1]) is a large group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual action for a brief time, then quickly disperse.

so the other day when i got to work, my boss let me know that a chicken dance flash mob was happening in downtown. So we shut the entire place down, made a sign that said we'd return in 20 mins and we headed out, on days like that, i love my job.

hey mickey you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind...

2009-03-12T12:45:00.002-06:00

Mickey Rourke used to be a fox. . .

Anyhow- MY SPRING BREAK HAS STARTED, i'm so pumped! basically this means i just dont have to drive to my 2 classes, Tuesdays and Thursdays.... but i still have to work double............ bleh.

I plan on sleeping in, going to Alamogordo to see THE WATCHMEN at IMAX, SPACE MUSEUM, going to cycling classes, buying lots of cheap jewelry, making jewelry, walking my dog, running away to a casino, and working at my internship better hours.

THIS WEEK WILL BE MOMENTOUS.

2009-03-12T01:22:00.001-06:00

elias.

GRAAAAVE DIGGGGA

2009-03-09T01:17:00.005-06:00

This week seemed monstrous, i was running around the city trying to get things done, i got a scratch on my car, and i realized i had midterm mayhem + work + internship. But, this weekend was a much needed reality check.

First off, i was 2 mins late to my internship which i guess at a regular job its no big deal. At my internship the doors are locked at exactly the time the meetings start, i got in trouble and the only thing i could say to one of the directors (who lectures daily about personal accountability) was 'It was my fault because I'm lazy i got out of bed late' after some pleading i was let into the meeting. It was worth it, i got to hear a lot of interesting stories, and i got some new tips written down.

This weekend i realized i had an extra $30 dollars in my bank account for some weird reason i still havent figured out.i found out i my internship director is pleased with my work, and i got compliments from the participants in my classes. i finished all my weekend reading early. i realized that some people, well really one particular boy, is really fucked up and not worth worrying over anymore, drank some grade A beer, listened to music reaaaaally loudly, had long talks with ari, ghost hunted a little,bought my grandma a big bouquet of flowers, went to church, bought a bad ass tshirt for a little kid, got to work a really good show at The Percolator...

BUT MOST EXCITING THING OF ALL I got surprised with monster truck tickets!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, let me just say, I have never in my life been to a Monster Truck show, I've always thought about going, even begged a few people to go with me... but no dice. And let me just say- this show was worth the wait. I didnt realize how fun it would be to just act a fool, and scream and throw your arms up over vehicles driving recklessly. IT WAS AMAZING. And i fell in love with this bad boy "monster mutt" mainly because i thought if my dog Jasper was a monster truck he would be a fucking bad ass like this monster truck.

I mean, i guess i can see how this show might not seeeeem appealing to the average person- but, oh my God, it was. the sound of the trucks racing around and crunching cars, and the big dust clouds when they did crazy spins, holy shit i felt like a little white kid. i even got to take home a huge MONSTER MUTT flag. other than that, i got to see two women truck drivers bask in the glory of being fucking amazing at their jobs, and i got to see some dude get escorted out violently by security guards.

Apparently some men in El Paso get so excited when trucks flip over that they throw their beers into the crowd below and smack little kids with their cups.

very very good weekend.

Better late than never

2009-03-05T13:34:00.001-07:00

US military chief to offer help to Mexico in violent drug war

1 day ago

WASHINGTON (AFP) — America's top military officer heads to Mexico this week to offer help to a government battling powerful drug cartels, amid alarm in Washington over escalating violence across the border.

With the death toll at 5,300 last year and Mexican cartels armed with automatic weapons and billions in cash, the crisis has become a full-blown national security concern for the United States.

Admiral Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, was due in Mexico later this week as the United States signalled it was ready to step up military and other assistance to tackle the heavily armed drug rings ravaging the country's north.

"The cartels are retaliating," Defense Secretary Robert Gates told NBC on Sunday. "It clearly is a serious problem."

But he said Mexico has dropped its traditional reluctance to cultivate ties with the US military.

"I think we are beginning to be in a position to help the Mexicans more than we have in the past," Gates said. "Some of the old biases against cooperation between our militaries and so on, I think, are being satisfied."

The United States started sharing intelligence with Mexico in November and under a new program plans to provide helicopters, maritime surveillance aircraft and other equipment, Pentagon spokesman Commander Jeffrey Gordon said.

Mullen, who visited Brazil on Monday as part of a week-long Latin American tour that includes stops in Chile, Peru and Colombia, said last week the United States was "looking for ways to assist" the Mexican government.

"Clearly one of the things he expects to talk to his counterparts in Mexico and other officials about is the growing violence and growing threat with regard to narco-trafficking and the drug cartels," Captain John Kirby, spokesman for Mullen, told AFP.

"We would welcome the opportunity to increase and enhance our military-to-military cooperation," Kirby said by phone after Mullen's visit to Brazil. "There's clearly room to do more."

The two countries have been cooperating for some time, but last year the effort intensified with the US Merida Initiative that gives Mexico 1.4 billion dollars over three years and 200 million to Central America and the Caribbean.

The initiative has nabbed some top drug barons and shipments, but the cartels remain defiant. In Ciudad Juarez, across the border from El Paso, Texas, they have threatened to decapitate the mayor and his entire family.

Experts say military cooperation will not be enough and that corruption in Mexico as well as growing demand for drugs on the US side of the border feed the scourge.

Both governments have blamed the other for failing to take action.

Mexican President Felipe Calderon took offense at a State Department report last week that said pervasive corruption was hampering the drug war. He said it was time Washington stopped the flow of guns and drug money into Mexico.

"I think that weapons and cash cross from there to here, and that both countries should strive to make their border safe and open to trade and workers, but closed to illegal drugs, weapons and money trafficking," he said.

Mexican and US authorities have traced over 90 percent of the guns used by the cartels to American gun shops and shows, even though US laws forbid foreign nationals from buying fire arms.

And an estimated 15 to 20 billion dollars passes across the US border to the drug barons each year, US analysts say.

Mullen in a speech last month cited years of US assistance to Colombia, with military aid only one element, as a successful model for tackling drug cartels.

"I think the Colombian example is a great example of a very broad program that was not just military to support a friend at a time when, effectively, they were very close to a failed state," Mullen said at Princeton on February 5.

The admiral said similar support could help Mexico.

"We?ve offered that," he said. "It takes engagement -- not high-end military activity."

babies?

2009-03-05T11:14:00.001-07:00

first of all, i fucking hate the new burger king commercial thats airing on tv right now...

wtf. not every female wants a baby so badly that she oohs and awws over little itty bitty burgers. I dont want a baby right now- in fact i dont even really like babies ever. I can count the babies i've liked on 1 hand, and i dont even OOH and AWW over them.

thats not even my point, even if i DID want a baby right now, i would be smart enough to know the different between baby and burger. why did these women even agree to be in such a horrible commercial?

boy oh boy.

2009-03-03T10:58:00.002-07:00

So i finally got to do some hands on work at my internship- it was pretty awesome.

Basically my internship consists of me working at a non profit that helps men and women (who are convicted of domestic abuse, or are on probation, or who think they need help) learn accountability, and about healthy relationships. Its a 26 week intervention and prevention program. I love it, its probably one of the most interesting thing i've ever been a part of.

I've been very consistently thinking a lot about what i've learned in these 'Accountability Groups' at work, entire sections on Respect among partners in relationships. but unfortunately i realized that I've only had ONE healthy relationship in my entire life. Other than that, my relationships have consisted of revengeful actions, name calling, rough play, lying, disrespectful conversations. I thought a lot of things i have said, and that have been said to me... i dunno. i had a long talk this past weekend with a boy i had dated (3 years) about my feelings in regards to things we've said - all i got was a blank stare.

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."- Aldous Huxley

shwag.

2009-03-03T10:58:00.001-07:00

http://newspapertree.com/opinion/3442-michael-phelps-and-the-violence-in-mexico-connect-the-dots

TWILIGHT ZONE.

2009-03-01T14:29:00.000-07:00

so apparently el paso runs on one piece of electrical wire, i found this fact out because while i was dancing like a fool to 'let me clear my throat' by the musical genius DJ KOOL the entire city of el paso had a massive black out. . . luckily i was in the company of about 500 people and i was safe with my best friend Ari, Jackie, and of course Ray. And since we were seated at some Special KINGS table upstairs (due to Jackie being a fucking pimp and buying a large bottle of vodka) we had a splendid view of everyone downstairs freaking out.

I spent about 10 mins texting everyone i knew, and drinking cranberry juice, gray goose and sprite until finally i left. I drove around with Ray exploring the city and despite the wonderful time we had prior to the black out, it felt like a twilight zone episode. I started to imagine the absolute worst, and movies kept popping into my head, 28 days later, Night of the Living Dead, anyway I have never in my life seen my entire city pitch black. I got to see stars i had never even known existed, the glow of Juarez lights hovering over the mountains, the very defined Mexico/USA border,a sole McDonald's sign glowing next to the burning smoke stack of the refinery, long stretched out streets of darkness, a pretty bad accident, blaring sounds of sirens, flashing lights of emergency vehicles. It was one of the strangest sights of my life.

when i finally got home my parents house was the only block in the east side to have power. And my mom made us hot dogs and ramen and we all talked about how creepy the night was. i went to bed thinking about all the radiation poisoning i could of endured, and how my organs were probably glowing green. but by the time i woke up this morning everything was its normal self. nothing happened, i wasn't glowing, and my ideas of a zombie apocalypse was flushed out by reading the comics on the news paper.

Weirdly enough i have an idea what happened... but the news channels havent even covered in on their websites- no mention of the massive El Paso black out of 2009. wtf is going on?

Also... black history month ended with a black out. which is kind of funny.

2009-02-26T14:52:00.001-07:00

Also i'm catholic and lent has begun...

and no one believes i'm giving up what i'm giving up....

bleh. you guys will see.

2009-02-26T14:42:00.000-07:00

I havent had more than a handful of moments to breathe in the last week. I've gotten everything i needed to get done, done. Except remember to order bread on time- but somehow i will get that done.

ive been running on hours of sleep, and gotten so stressed out i have panic attacks in the car- i need a new way of life. Some new plan that involves sleeping. All this exhaustion and i still love both jobs, and i love my classes.

i guess i just wish i had more time for friends. More time to do silly things like, rent movies and lay around.

MESMERIZE ME MESMERIZE ME

2009-02-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

This entire weekend was the weekend of kings.

Seriously, what the fuck. I had such an awesome time, i feel like i have to sleep for 2 solid weeks to catch up. But undoubtedly DANCE PARTY SUNDAY best moment of 2009 so far.

that is all.

mx rx

2009-02-12T10:30:00.000-07:00

5 nights 6 days for $500

i think i can make it happen.

boys.

2009-02-10T01:31:00.000-07:00

ARI: you should date someone who does something cool
ARI: like, works at a beer factory
ARI: or is a lonely janitor working at a university and solves complex math equations during his off time
ME: awww
ME: Or a nerd who gets bitten by a spider and is having an internal battle with himself over his super powers?
ARI: i think you should open yourself to new horizons

brown out.

2009-02-09T22:22:00.000-07:00

This semester seems to be all about finding some sort of hold of identity. at least that's how it seems to me. I dig it. I've been going back and forth to meetings and trainings, doing lots of readings and discussions, watching documentaries and spending lost of time thinking about all the things i've read, seen and learned. I'm lucky i've had a lot of help with all the people i've met at the percolator.

In one of my classes most of the entire semester is revolving around open discussion on the readings and our feelings toward it. Slowly but surely its turned into some sort of counseling for people who are Hispanic, but don't feel like they are Hispanic enough. As far as my thoughts on this, i totally fall into this category. I'm very rarely able to express myself in Spanish, i get nervous and stumble over accents and phrases. i laugh late at jokes because it takes me a little while longer to decipher the joke in my brain in English, but after a few seconds i get it. i mean it could be worse some people in my class don't know ANY Spanish, and they were kind of shushed by their family about learning Spanish. i dunno i guess i didn't realize that a lot of people who immigrated over are ashamed over being Mexican because of all the pressure to Americanize themselves.
it really bummed me out- even worse a lot of people my age (23) felt like it was only okay to know Spanish because it made you bilingual (thus you make more money), i mean i guess it wasnt cool if you were looking to give yourself some sort of bi cultural identity.

what bothered me was one guy in particular who was raving about how he was glad he was American and that he didnt have so much of the Mexican culture trailing him, because it wasnt 'part of him'. even more so, he didnt believe that Americanization had any sort of pull on why his parents chose not to show him Mexican customs. and he didnt see how white old men who wrote the history books he was educated on from kinder-12th effected his view on things, or how america had any bad effect on the rest of the world.

i wanted to punch him in the face...and/or balls; but when i spoke up and said, as a former employee of Starbucks i knew damn well that America effected the rest of the world, that one cup of coffee effected a family somewhere in south America, Africa or Asia. but all i got was a bunch of eye rolling and blank stares.

after talking to friends of mine, this isn't just in my class, everyone is the kind of going through something similar, After speaking to Micheal he told me how his discussion group is just a bunch of people making b.s. statements like "the question is not what the art represents but who is the artist" instead of answering questions. When he gave his well researched response of what the art represents, AND about the artists, his discussion thread was deleted. Arianne is in the same boat and we have discussions quite often about how judgemental everyone is on girls who voice their opinions in classes and no matter what the topic is, or how educated she is, her comments are ignored. its a semester of glares and eye rolls.

i wouldnt of ever guessed, but...

2009-02-04T17:06:00.001-07:00

MINI CHURROS FROM JACK IN THE BOX ARE DELICIOUS.

Girls... not the beastie boys song.

2009-02-03T14:06:00.000-07:00

Ive gone through a lot of Female "friends", too many to mention. I'm talking since the 1st day of first grade to graduation the only girl I've kept in contact with is Jessica and i met her my 1st day of school. Her and i only started talking because we both ganged up on a little boy named Justin Writter because he told bad jokes and we were fed up with it. (yes, FED UP on the first day of school)

he told jokes like, knock knock, who's there, orange, orange who, knock knock, who's there, orange..... you get the picture. In the middle of class, he kicked off his shoe really aggressively and yelled out to me and Jessica, HOLY SHOCKS- GET IT HOLE-Y, BECAUSE IVE GOT HOLES. After this really strange event, and while he was still with his foot in the air wiggling his toes in the breeze- Jessica and i became friends.

Now lets get it straight Ive had lots of female friends, busloads, eons, enough to fill buildings- maybe even cities - but i've only had the rare few that last the test of time.

a few of the relationships/friendships ended due to me not putting enough time into them i guess. so i know i fucked up a few friendships... others we just grew apart. but now that i'm older i realize girls'friends' are really crazy to get along with sometimes- but i know that friendships with females, and just regular bonding is super important. Boys are bonded to their friends like glue. All the boys i know have this really indestructible friendship that surpasses all the bombs beer and tits that come into life. guys can be friends with someone who talks shit about their mothers, guys forgive their friends when they fuck eachothers girlfriends, and they get over money being lent, and vomiting on eachother when one of them is shitfaced. Girls are not like this. girls will stop being your friend if they dont like your boyfriend, or if they think your tone is too abrasive. Girls will hate you before they even know you because .... of ridiculous things that no one has control over, a girl can hate you because her best friends boyfriend talked to you once at a bar. girls will hate you for wearing the same shirt as her in class.... or buying a similar shirt that she already had.

Luckily I have Arianne who is almost literally my other half- and who glues me back together when i'm acting all insane over the tiniest of things. This is the kind of girl who is rational instead of emotional and who tells you exactly how it is. no fluff advice. i LOOOOOVE her. And 500 years later i still have jessica despite the fact that she talks to me through all my predicaments while she is taking care of her son, and is ready to pop out another baby. I have my sister rosie who i couldnt even begin to describe.... and my co workers who show me brand new worlds in crafting and art. i have carol who i dont see too often but who i can talk to about anything, even how gross automatic flush toilets are. but i cant help but think about the friendships i lost, ones to just simply growing up, and ones to drug use, or boy problems.

i dunno what my point was........ just that i wish i could get along with girls more often.

also valentines day makes me wanna vomit and cuddle- but not at the same time.

Gummmmby

2009-02-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

My last few days have consisted of lots of stuff, too much to mention all in one list.

I recently started talking to a 'gentleman' - and while its a sticky situation between the two of us, he cracks me up. Its the kind of nerdy flirting that gets me, never the smooth stuff. When i see him around he gives me a look and we kind of just know whats going through the other persons mind. we'll see how it rolls out.

also this is the best,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79tMMFja-Fw

half & half.

2009-01-26T02:02:00.000-07:00

most Sundays i lay around in my pj's all afternoon with my dog. i wander around my parents empty house and i read the paper without any shoes or socks. I am the Merriam-Webster English dictionary definition of lazy. This Sunday was no exception.

after hours and hours of doing absolutely nothing, I drove to church alone, and i had dinner with an old friend. once you know someone inside and out for years, any small change seems gargantuan. i try to shrug off any nagging thoughts, although its definetly the kind of thing that makes that really horrible nostalgic emo 2001 feeling flare up in your guts. (i know someone knows what i mean). we had the kind of conversation, that's just friendly enough not to be awkward, but not momentous enough to remember. i feel like our conversation was the background 'music' to someone elses night. bleh, maybe next time.

Luckily on my way home, my family called to invite me for a late cup of coffee at some generic diner, and everyone talked too loud, letting voices and topics bump into and blend into one big loud indecipherable conversation. it made me feel more like myself ... or at least myself now.

this week was wonderful and hectic.
I unexpectedly got a big bouquet of tulips
my school stuff settled
internship training

i feel ready for the next 13/14 weeks.

dop

2009-01-22T13:58:00.000-07:00

within just a few days of school starting, (two) i've managed to get an internship. Despite the details- i feel as although a new direction of life has come my way.

i think, as long as i've been in college this is by far the heaviest, worst hair, bad skin, bad clothes version of myself i've EVER been- yet i'm in the happiest most optimistic mood i've been in my life. funny how things work out.

And despite me being single for a bit- i've decided that a boy is the last thing i need in my life. i think its about time i wander around and meet people who inspire me- and if i make out w/ a few ... lucky me.

eyelash

2009-01-20T00:58:00.001-07:00

tomorrow begins 4 years of a hopeful new president, a few months of hectic scheduling w/ school and work & a heated 24 hour deadline to finish crafting for the show.

I'm so incredibly tired and excited at the same time, for everything.

[my weekend consisted of music, beer, vegan food, parties,making out, the Tap, hookah, a day drip, a desert adventure with an old friend, buffalo's, goats, juicy steaks, lone star & singing/dancing horribly to "THRILLER". it was nothing short of amazing.]

I'm so happy for every single moment of my life and everyone in it. its pretty disgusting.

infinalmente

2009-01-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

after a fucking goosehunt around the city trying to connect a cheap phone to a cheap phone carrier, i finally got it all done and it only took 4 or 5 hours. wtf el paso. this phone better last me at least 3 months or i will throw down with some Cricket employees.

in other news i met an interesting boy today, and while its probably not even worth mentioning-it was nice, since i guess i felt like i hadnt noticed a new boy in a long time.

day one.

2009-01-15T00:47:00.000-07:00

After years of not (seriously) using a blog of any kind, I caved. I like to document my days so that i dunno, years later i think to myself "what was i doing in January of '09?", i got my bases covered.

tonight i went to a bar with my parents, and while it probably should of been awkward it was a lot of fun. While other families only meet at grandmas house, my family reserves a whole bar. Anyhow, family members i had never met hugged me over and over again, held my hand, piled tons of food onto Styrofoam plates for me, then told me how they had only seen me when i was only this tall- sadly not much has changed height wise. After chicken, rice, corn, veggies, bread, and the most delicious, delectable, delightful tres leches cake, I sat around and realized i am literally the ONLY person in my family who does not know how to dance. i spent most of my night sipping on my tiny bar cup of coca-cola and leaning against my mom trying to hear stories about how couples met, and which kids belonged to who, and who didn't show up.

Then, in the midst of trying to piece together my family puzzle it happened some ranchero man (who was NOT a family member but i guess a bar employee, or a covert family party crasher) with a thick mustache and a tightly tucked in polo shirt struts over (with a very smooth swagger) and asks me to dance. i (obviously) said no, i mean despite the fact that i am the kind of girl who appreciates well groomed facial hair-

a) i couldn't embarrass the shit out of this man
b) i had just met 1/2 the people there and i didn't want to embarrass myself by my Elaine Benis moves
c)this guy tucked his polo shirt into cargo khakis and more or less demanded a dance by yelling
"BAILA CON MIGO", and i just don't really dig that shit.

after i convinced this man that i could really not dance- he left and proceeded back to the other bar employees and talked shit about me behind the bar, and made no attempt at trying to hide the fact the he was talking about me.

how do i know?

he POINTED at me, and mouthed "she cant dance" like as if it was a federal offense.

sorry motherfuckers.

in other news, if anyone knows where they teach dance moves- fill me in.