Also i'm catholic and lent has begun...
and no one believes i'm giving up what i'm giving up....
bleh. you guys will see.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I havent had more than a handful of moments to breathe in the last week. I've gotten everything i needed to get done, done. Except remember to order bread on time- but somehow i will get that done.
ive been running on hours of sleep, and gotten so stressed out i have panic attacks in the car- i need a new way of life. Some new plan that involves sleeping. All this exhaustion and i still love both jobs, and i love my classes.
i guess i just wish i had more time for friends. More time to do silly things like, rent movies and lay around.
ive been running on hours of sleep, and gotten so stressed out i have panic attacks in the car- i need a new way of life. Some new plan that involves sleeping. All this exhaustion and i still love both jobs, and i love my classes.
i guess i just wish i had more time for friends. More time to do silly things like, rent movies and lay around.
Monday, February 16, 2009
MESMERIZE ME MESMERIZE ME
This entire weekend was the weekend of kings.
Seriously, what the fuck. I had such an awesome time, i feel like i have to sleep for 2 solid weeks to catch up. But undoubtedly DANCE PARTY SUNDAY best moment of 2009 so far.
that is all.
Seriously, what the fuck. I had such an awesome time, i feel like i have to sleep for 2 solid weeks to catch up. But undoubtedly DANCE PARTY SUNDAY best moment of 2009 so far.
that is all.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
boys.
ARI: you should date someone who does something cool
ARI: like, works at a beer factory
ARI: or is a lonely janitor working at a university and solves complex math equations during his off time
ME: awww
ME: Or a nerd who gets bitten by a spider and is having an internal battle with himself over his super powers?
ARI: i think you should open yourself to new horizons
ARI: like, works at a beer factory
ARI: or is a lonely janitor working at a university and solves complex math equations during his off time
ME: awww
ME: Or a nerd who gets bitten by a spider and is having an internal battle with himself over his super powers?
ARI: i think you should open yourself to new horizons
Monday, February 9, 2009
brown out.
This semester seems to be all about finding some sort of hold of identity. at least that's how it seems to me. I dig it. I've been going back and forth to meetings and trainings, doing lots of readings and discussions, watching documentaries and spending lost of time thinking about all the things i've read, seen and learned. I'm lucky i've had a lot of help with all the people i've met at the percolator.
In one of my classes most of the entire semester is revolving around open discussion on the readings and our feelings toward it. Slowly but surely its turned into some sort of counseling for people who are Hispanic, but don't feel like they are Hispanic enough. As far as my thoughts on this, i totally fall into this category. I'm very rarely able to express myself in Spanish, i get nervous and stumble over accents and phrases. i laugh late at jokes because it takes me a little while longer to decipher the joke in my brain in English, but after a few seconds i get it. i mean it could be worse some people in my class don't know ANY Spanish, and they were kind of shushed by their family about learning Spanish. i dunno i guess i didn't realize that a lot of people who immigrated over are ashamed over being Mexican because of all the pressure to Americanize themselves.
it really bummed me out- even worse a lot of people my age (23) felt like it was only okay to know Spanish because it made you bilingual (thus you make more money), i mean i guess it wasnt cool if you were looking to give yourself some sort of bi cultural identity.
what bothered me was one guy in particular who was raving about how he was glad he was American and that he didnt have so much of the Mexican culture trailing him, because it wasnt 'part of him'. even more so, he didnt believe that Americanization had any sort of pull on why his parents chose not to show him Mexican customs. and he didnt see how white old men who wrote the history books he was educated on from kinder-12th effected his view on things, or how america had any bad effect on the rest of the world.
i wanted to punch him in the face...and/or balls; but when i spoke up and said, as a former employee of Starbucks i knew damn well that America effected the rest of the world, that one cup of coffee effected a family somewhere in south America, Africa or Asia. but all i got was a bunch of eye rolling and blank stares.
after talking to friends of mine, this isn't just in my class, everyone is the kind of going through something similar, After speaking to Micheal he told me how his discussion group is just a bunch of people making b.s. statements like "the question is not what the art represents but who is the artist" instead of answering questions. When he gave his well researched response of what the art represents, AND about the artists, his discussion thread was deleted. Arianne is in the same boat and we have discussions quite often about how judgemental everyone is on girls who voice their opinions in classes and no matter what the topic is, or how educated she is, her comments are ignored. its a semester of glares and eye rolls.
In one of my classes most of the entire semester is revolving around open discussion on the readings and our feelings toward it. Slowly but surely its turned into some sort of counseling for people who are Hispanic, but don't feel like they are Hispanic enough. As far as my thoughts on this, i totally fall into this category. I'm very rarely able to express myself in Spanish, i get nervous and stumble over accents and phrases. i laugh late at jokes because it takes me a little while longer to decipher the joke in my brain in English, but after a few seconds i get it. i mean it could be worse some people in my class don't know ANY Spanish, and they were kind of shushed by their family about learning Spanish. i dunno i guess i didn't realize that a lot of people who immigrated over are ashamed over being Mexican because of all the pressure to Americanize themselves.
it really bummed me out- even worse a lot of people my age (23) felt like it was only okay to know Spanish because it made you bilingual (thus you make more money), i mean i guess it wasnt cool if you were looking to give yourself some sort of bi cultural identity.
what bothered me was one guy in particular who was raving about how he was glad he was American and that he didnt have so much of the Mexican culture trailing him, because it wasnt 'part of him'. even more so, he didnt believe that Americanization had any sort of pull on why his parents chose not to show him Mexican customs. and he didnt see how white old men who wrote the history books he was educated on from kinder-12th effected his view on things, or how america had any bad effect on the rest of the world.
i wanted to punch him in the face...and/or balls; but when i spoke up and said, as a former employee of Starbucks i knew damn well that America effected the rest of the world, that one cup of coffee effected a family somewhere in south America, Africa or Asia. but all i got was a bunch of eye rolling and blank stares.
after talking to friends of mine, this isn't just in my class, everyone is the kind of going through something similar, After speaking to Micheal he told me how his discussion group is just a bunch of people making b.s. statements like "the question is not what the art represents but who is the artist" instead of answering questions. When he gave his well researched response of what the art represents, AND about the artists, his discussion thread was deleted. Arianne is in the same boat and we have discussions quite often about how judgemental everyone is on girls who voice their opinions in classes and no matter what the topic is, or how educated she is, her comments are ignored. its a semester of glares and eye rolls.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Girls... not the beastie boys song.
Ive gone through a lot of Female "friends", too many to mention. I'm talking since the 1st day of first grade to graduation the only girl I've kept in contact with is Jessica and i met her my 1st day of school. Her and i only started talking because we both ganged up on a little boy named Justin Writter because he told bad jokes and we were fed up with it. (yes, FED UP on the first day of school)
he told jokes like, knock knock, who's there, orange, orange who, knock knock, who's there, orange..... you get the picture. In the middle of class, he kicked off his shoe really aggressively and yelled out to me and Jessica, HOLY SHOCKS- GET IT HOLE-Y, BECAUSE IVE GOT HOLES. After this really strange event, and while he was still with his foot in the air wiggling his toes in the breeze- Jessica and i became friends.
Now lets get it straight Ive had lots of female friends, busloads, eons, enough to fill buildings- maybe even cities - but i've only had the rare few that last the test of time.
a few of the relationships/friendships ended due to me not putting enough time into them i guess. so i know i fucked up a few friendships... others we just grew apart. but now that i'm older i realize girls'friends' are really crazy to get along with sometimes- but i know that friendships with females, and just regular bonding is super important. Boys are bonded to their friends like glue. All the boys i know have this really indestructible friendship that surpasses all the bombs beer and tits that come into life. guys can be friends with someone who talks shit about their mothers, guys forgive their friends when they fuck eachothers girlfriends, and they get over money being lent, and vomiting on eachother when one of them is shitfaced. Girls are not like this. girls will stop being your friend if they dont like your boyfriend, or if they think your tone is too abrasive. Girls will hate you before they even know you because .... of ridiculous things that no one has control over, a girl can hate you because her best friends boyfriend talked to you once at a bar. girls will hate you for wearing the same shirt as her in class.... or buying a similar shirt that she already had.
Luckily I have Arianne who is almost literally my other half- and who glues me back together when i'm acting all insane over the tiniest of things. This is the kind of girl who is rational instead of emotional and who tells you exactly how it is. no fluff advice. i LOOOOOVE her. And 500 years later i still have jessica despite the fact that she talks to me through all my predicaments while she is taking care of her son, and is ready to pop out another baby. I have my sister rosie who i couldnt even begin to describe.... and my co workers who show me brand new worlds in crafting and art. i have carol who i dont see too often but who i can talk to about anything, even how gross automatic flush toilets are. but i cant help but think about the friendships i lost, ones to just simply growing up, and ones to drug use, or boy problems.
i dunno what my point was........ just that i wish i could get along with girls more often.
also valentines day makes me wanna vomit and cuddle- but not at the same time.
he told jokes like, knock knock, who's there, orange, orange who, knock knock, who's there, orange..... you get the picture. In the middle of class, he kicked off his shoe really aggressively and yelled out to me and Jessica, HOLY SHOCKS- GET IT HOLE-Y, BECAUSE IVE GOT HOLES. After this really strange event, and while he was still with his foot in the air wiggling his toes in the breeze- Jessica and i became friends.
Now lets get it straight Ive had lots of female friends, busloads, eons, enough to fill buildings- maybe even cities - but i've only had the rare few that last the test of time.
a few of the relationships/friendships ended due to me not putting enough time into them i guess. so i know i fucked up a few friendships... others we just grew apart. but now that i'm older i realize girls'friends' are really crazy to get along with sometimes- but i know that friendships with females, and just regular bonding is super important. Boys are bonded to their friends like glue. All the boys i know have this really indestructible friendship that surpasses all the bombs beer and tits that come into life. guys can be friends with someone who talks shit about their mothers, guys forgive their friends when they fuck eachothers girlfriends, and they get over money being lent, and vomiting on eachother when one of them is shitfaced. Girls are not like this. girls will stop being your friend if they dont like your boyfriend, or if they think your tone is too abrasive. Girls will hate you before they even know you because .... of ridiculous things that no one has control over, a girl can hate you because her best friends boyfriend talked to you once at a bar. girls will hate you for wearing the same shirt as her in class.... or buying a similar shirt that she already had.
Luckily I have Arianne who is almost literally my other half- and who glues me back together when i'm acting all insane over the tiniest of things. This is the kind of girl who is rational instead of emotional and who tells you exactly how it is. no fluff advice. i LOOOOOVE her. And 500 years later i still have jessica despite the fact that she talks to me through all my predicaments while she is taking care of her son, and is ready to pop out another baby. I have my sister rosie who i couldnt even begin to describe.... and my co workers who show me brand new worlds in crafting and art. i have carol who i dont see too often but who i can talk to about anything, even how gross automatic flush toilets are. but i cant help but think about the friendships i lost, ones to just simply growing up, and ones to drug use, or boy problems.
i dunno what my point was........ just that i wish i could get along with girls more often.
also valentines day makes me wanna vomit and cuddle- but not at the same time.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Gummmmby
My last few days have consisted of lots of stuff, too much to mention all in one list.
I recently started talking to a 'gentleman' - and while its a sticky situation between the two of us, he cracks me up. Its the kind of nerdy flirting that gets me, never the smooth stuff. When i see him around he gives me a look and we kind of just know whats going through the other persons mind. we'll see how it rolls out.
also this is the best,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79tMMFja-Fw
I recently started talking to a 'gentleman' - and while its a sticky situation between the two of us, he cracks me up. Its the kind of nerdy flirting that gets me, never the smooth stuff. When i see him around he gives me a look and we kind of just know whats going through the other persons mind. we'll see how it rolls out.
also this is the best,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79tMMFja-Fw
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