VIVA

i am going to Las Vegas with two of the craziest ladies i know.
insanity should encompass the 4 day long trip. Insanity and booze. lots of booze.

"&&"

":]]"

ok jeanette

the internet is for professionals.

Somewhere during the orange summer i found myself as a completely different person. I think that during the last year of college I've contemplated how i react to the way i am treated, you know that saying "we accept the love we think we deserve'', yeah ..... wtf.

this summer I've gone through a long engagement, a bunch of secret whispering conversations and a long planned trip and a lot of lonely drives home. Despite my vague descriptions, i realized that the people i know are all going through an identity crisis. which isnt bad, since i'm doing the same exact thing, but i miss everything the exact way it used to be. i realize i'm not very good at committing to new change.

all i can say is, I'm doing a lot better than i'd imagine everyone thinks.

oh mannnnn

I drove around counting streetlights listening to nothing in particular- i dont entirely know why i feel so distant from absolutely everything. But, i do know its making me sick.

i finally have enough money to leave some where and i'm scared to go

Theres just one map you need

i should be doing homework, but after such a long day all i wanna do is bullshit around on my computer listen to music and hang out with my dog. I was lucky enough to see Conor Oberst perform for 90 mins on Sunday for a can of cubed pineapples, a can of potted meat and a bottle of water. I was unsure if any performance would be worth potted meat, but afterward i was pleasantly surprised.

In all seriousness i've been a big fan for a while, a lot of his lyrics helped me though some tough times. There is some sort of imagery that goes into his songs that i can quite ever grasp through anyone elses songs the same way i do with his. His shaky voice kills me- Ug. i mean really- i know its not his best song- or the nicest or even the best lyrics but "You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will" makes me a mess.

"now I write when I'm away
Letters that you'll never read
You said, "Go explore those other women
The geography of their bodies
But there's just one map you'll need
You're a boomerang you'll see
You will return to me"

Dammmmn Sooooooo good.

okokokok, At the beginning of the show, Ari and I bought $1 tickets for a poster raffle and right before they announced the winner, Ari looks over at me and says, "look, if i win, you can have it" and she just gives me this big smile- so i'm squirming around waiting for them to announce the name and right as they do the lady says "ANNNNNNNNNNNNN-esto" and we all crack up laughing because i got overly excited and it wasnt even for me. They lady just had a thick accent and she meant to say "ernesto"

so as i somewhat mentioned, i showed up on the arm of friends and i mingled among familiar faces from downtown and Utep- i blended in with all the different shades of plaid. I dunno what it was- but somewhere during the first few songs i felt so incredibly happy, not just because of the fact that i was finally listening to conor oberst, but just the people, and the weather and my drunk friend on his 21st birthday, the breeze that messed up my hair, and made my legs cold- the sun setting with its big pink fluffy clouds, the planes flying overhead- the image of my family having an egg hunt, the smoke filling in all the space between all the people who crowded together, my achy feet, everyone in big sunglasses, everyone smiling, joking and dancing and pushing, and swaying.

Afterward we all wandered off our own ways and ended up meeting again over food and drinks to talk in our loudest voices about how great the show was. we all made plans for wine festivals, and shows and parties. I got to see ari smile over her new boyfriend- and angel and joey smile and laugh over - well everything. When the night began winding down i ended up like most nights holding hands with ray and talking about a million little things and nothing at all-

It was just nice to see everyone excited about life

The weekend was perfect.