This semester seems to be all about finding some sort of hold of identity. at least that's how it seems to me. I dig it. I've been going back and forth to meetings and trainings, doing lots of readings and discussions, watching documentaries and spending lost of time thinking about all the things i've read, seen and learned. I'm lucky i've had a lot of help with all the people i've met at the percolator.
In one of my classes most of the entire semester is revolving around open discussion on the readings and our feelings toward it. Slowly but surely its turned into some sort of counseling for people who are Hispanic, but don't feel like they are Hispanic enough. As far as my thoughts on this, i totally fall into this category. I'm very rarely able to express myself in Spanish, i get nervous and stumble over accents and phrases. i laugh late at jokes because it takes me a little while longer to decipher the joke in my brain in English, but after a few seconds i get it. i mean it could be worse some people in my class don't know ANY Spanish, and they were kind of shushed by their family about learning Spanish. i dunno i guess i didn't realize that a lot of people who immigrated over are ashamed over being Mexican because of all the pressure to Americanize themselves.
it really bummed me out- even worse a lot of people my age (23) felt like it was only okay to know Spanish because it made you bilingual (thus you make more money), i mean i guess it wasnt cool if you were looking to give yourself some sort of bi cultural identity.
what bothered me was one guy in particular who was raving about how he was glad he was American and that he didnt have so much of the Mexican culture trailing him, because it wasnt 'part of him'. even more so, he didnt believe that Americanization had any sort of pull on why his parents chose not to show him Mexican customs. and he didnt see how white old men who wrote the history books he was educated on from kinder-12th effected his view on things, or how america had any bad effect on the rest of the world.
i wanted to punch him in the face...and/or balls; but when i spoke up and said, as a former employee of Starbucks i knew damn well that America effected the rest of the world, that one cup of coffee effected a family somewhere in south America, Africa or Asia. but all i got was a bunch of eye rolling and blank stares.
after talking to friends of mine, this isn't just in my class, everyone is the kind of going through something similar, After speaking to Micheal he told me how his discussion group is just a bunch of people making b.s. statements like "the question is not what the art represents but who is the artist" instead of answering questions. When he gave his well researched response of what the art represents, AND about the artists, his discussion thread was deleted. Arianne is in the same boat and we have discussions quite often about how judgemental everyone is on girls who voice their opinions in classes and no matter what the topic is, or how educated she is, her comments are ignored. its a semester of glares and eye rolls.
